First post with a blog, is an emo story. Joy xD This storylike thing was written when I felt kinda emo and drama influenced. (Thus is why I should never watch them)
Kinda confusing, written in the persons perceptive..kinda like them talking to themselves..: 'D
Er..enjoy?
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If I had told you everything, could we have avoided this tragedy?
I wonder when did it all started, do you know? When was it did I started to feel this way? Was it when you began to drift apart from me? Was it when you stopped telling me everything? Was it when I started asking myself these questions? I ask myself sometimes, do you notice how I feel? Do you notice how I force myself to be happy in front of you? Of course you don’t, because to you, I am always happy. But do you really know how I feel inside? Every time you’re apart from me, I’m worried that you’ll never come back. Whenever you laugh with someone else, I feel angry; why aren’t you laughing with me? Whenever you hang out with your new friends, I feel jealous; you don’t need new ones, you have me. Could you have sensed these feelings from me? Of course you couldn’t. Nobody ever knows how I feel on the inside, no one should know, no one would care. What pains me more than seeing you have fun with someone other than me is that how I feel jealous and angry. I don’t understand why, I should be feeling happy for you. Just seeing you happy, should make me happy, but why won’t these tears stop. Are these tears of sadness, jealousy, anger or frustration? Why does one cry? Why do I cry over this?
I soon realized something, if I realized this sooner, everything should be okay. It wasn’t you who was drifting away, it was me. I have locked myself up in a world which revolves around you; my world is slowly falling apart. You were only doing what was nature for everyone to do. The surroundings don’t change for you, you change for the surroundings. I have learned that, but I can’t comprehend. I don’t like change; change is what causes my world to collapse. Why can’t they all go away? Why can’t you stay? Why am I like this? Why do I think this? You changes for your surroundings, but you are the same you. If you’re the same, then why am I different? You’re going your own way, am I the one who’s going to stay? I don’t know anymore, is there anymore for me to know?
I’m scared and alone; alone and scared. Someone, please save me, is there anyone who could save me from myself? I can, I can save myself. I ask, are you alone? No, I want to say. No, I am not alone; I have friends. I have friends who would be by my side whenever I feel alone, friends who’ll listen to me when I have a problem, and friends who I can trust. That’s the lying truth. It’s true I have friend, but it’s a lie. They can’t always be by my side, they can’t always listen to me and I can’t always trust them. But can they? Can they always depend on me to be by their side? Can they always ask me to listen to them? Can they trust me? I don’t know. Why don’t I know? Because, the only thing we want to know is always the unknown. Being alone has caused me to be scared; being scared has caused me to be alone. What should I do? I should stop asking questions and figure them out by myself. How? I don’t know.
I know now. What keeps me on this never ending loop of questions, you. It’s you and them; them and you. That’s all I can ever do; blame. Blame and ask questions. Have I ever stopped to think, it’s not you; it’s me. It’s not them who causes you pain; it’s you who hurts yourself. That is the truth, the living truth and I know it. If I was no longer here, then I no longer need to cause myself pain. Did I caused you pain, did I caused them pain too? I wouldn’t know. Why? That I know. Because I’ve been shellfish and I was always thinking about myself. Did I stopped once and think about how you felt? Did I? I don’t know, I don’t really know. But what I know is, without me, there would no longer me pain. No more tears, no more fights and no more pain. With the darkness gone, there shall be light. Light, that is where I want to go. Light; take me to the light, where there is no more pain.
Good bye.
________________________________________________________.....er...ta-da~ (so long o A o)
.........o v ob
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